For over two decades now, psychologists such as Daniel Goleman and others, have been telling us that empathy is a crucial workplace competency. But empathy and its association with words like feelings and emotions continues to make people uncomfortable.
Empathy means being able to 1) understand the other person’s thoughts, motives, worries, etc. 2) understand their experience and feelings in a given situation.
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Author Brene Brown defines empathy as connecting with people so we know we’re not alone when we’re in a struggle. She says empathy is a way to connect to the emotion another person is experiencing; and it doesn’t require that we have experienced the same situation they are going through.
In this article, we’ll look at some myths about empathy that we have encountered in our work with leadership. These myths are why many continue to give empathy a theoretical nod but often a practical pass. We will address ways in which empathy can be practiced at the workplace.
Myth #1: Empathy means being “emotional” at the cost of logic and reason.
Empathy is often seen as giving into emotions and losing objectivity or rationality.This is what makes many in the workplace uncomfortable with “being empathetic”.
The truth is that empathy is akin to an internal, navigational tool. It helps us to better understand those who we must work and interact with on a regular basis. Practicing empathy means making efforts to understand the other person’s experience and point of view; the way they think about what’s going on.
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This makes empathy an important relationship management tool, whether it be with business partners or internal team members; it allows you to connect before you can “correct” or “work to find a solution”. Empathy allows us to understand the other person’s perspective and reach a mutually agreeable decision.
If a colleague were to share that ‘I am hesitant to state a different point of view because I might be ridiculed’, responses that may get a real connection going would involve acknowledging the person’s fears. If necessary, asking what caused such fears to take hold. And finally, if the need still persists, proceed to solutioning together. Sometimes, the acknowledgement may be enough. That is how one translates empathy into action.
This leads us to our myth #2, that empathy equals agreeing.
Myth #2: Empathy means agreeing to everything the other person has to say/demands.
Coming back to the idea that empathy is really a navigational tool that allows us to be on the same page as the other person.
Whilst being empathetic means acknowledging the other person’s feelings and experience as being valid, you can be empathetic to someone and still disagree with them. The deep listening and connection are what allow you to remain firm.
A colleague or team member, who is continuously missing deliverables for some time may share how they are feeling overworked or struggling with something. Empathy in action would mean listening to them, acknowledging their feelings but stating that the tasks have to be performed. Asking the person to think of solutions and then helping them along as appropriate may be more useful.
Myth #3: Empathy is time-consuming and delays work
One that we hear very often is that empathy needs time and we just don’t have it… In the midst of our daily hustles, empathy often gets pushed to the back burner as we try to “just get work done”. However, short term effort in empathizing with others can lead to huge long term benefit and save both time and effort in the long run.
In any parent-child or mentor mentee relationship, this is quite relevant. The more you “connect” and stuff up the “connection box”, the easier it is to set boundaries, provide guidance, help learning. Investing in connection strengthens the relationship that over time then is the foundation for crossing tougher bridges much faster!
The more we see empathy as a critical business competency, the more aligned we are in the language we use to talk about it.
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Myth #4: Empathy is a personality trait and not a skill.
The common belief is that you either are empathetic or not. It is believed, though inaccurately, that “it is what it is” and can’t be changed or improved.
However, as psychologist Jamil Zaki has portrayed through extensive research and interventions, empathy is a learnable skill. It is like a muscle that gets stronger and stronger over time through conscious efforts and training activities and experiential interventions such as perspective-taking, coaching, etc.
Learning to be a better listener, mastering the art of framing responses mindfully, taking time to respond, resisting the need to put everything in a positive light and so on are all learnable.
Empathy has always been an important leadership competency and the pandemic has brought it into sharp focus.
At Bullzi, we have created some very specific interventions to help leaders develop their empathy muscle. We have run multiple editions of our Connected Leadership Lab and Leading WIth Empathy.
This article written by the Bullzi team is the second in the series Preparing Leaders For The Post-Covid Era that addresses key challenges and needs for leaders in a changed, post-Covid19 work landscape. Read the others here: Chronic Stress In The C-Suite
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