Learning has nothing to do with age
This story/experience came out of my conversation with Sanjeev where we were discussing learning/ unlearning, the older we grow how much more difficult it becomes etc etc. – that sort of stuff. In an attempt to allegorize, he launched into this whole story of how he at the age of 46 learnt to swim from none other than his 6-year-old son. And then promptly asked if I could write about it. Needless to say, I froke. But… it was a great story. While retelling it, I paused often to absorb the very native lessons and realizations that happened along the way, which I wanted to share. This is my (slightly) tweaked version of Sanjeev’s story. Read on.
In what must have been a state of the Zen ‘satori’ (read a highly avoidable state, for both adults and kids, but especially for kids), my 6-year-old son suddenly realized his immediate mission. To learn to swim. And “Dad” being the greatest (a regrettable lapse in foresight I can see now), I was to be his teacher. Very gravely and matter-of-factly, my son announced it over breakfast on a beautiful Sunday morning which instantly ceased to be beautiful. You see, I did not know how to swim.
To make matters worse, I just did not believe that I could learn at my age. My age being all of 46 (read highly confidential info). I was swamped by a chaotic avalanche of thoughts/emotions/fears /inhibitions, plus extremely disturbing visions of my self undergoing an incredulous (read humiliating and traumatic and….) inspection by all kids and their accompanying parents at the pool.
Someone once said and I paraphrase here – ‘The greatest battle is the one that you fight within’. It was while I was thus battling really hard within to overcome my lesser self so to speak, I came up with the most painful (malignant) realization. That I was not only as programmed as any other conditioned guy, I was equally hypocritical as well. Because it was not so much that I was afraid to learn at my age but that I could not bring myself to own up to the fact that I was indeed afraid and most of all from the thought of the world at large (read my son’s friends, their parents etc) witnessing my embarrassingly inhibited status.
So there I was stuck in a crucifying limbo till I realized that my celebrated status with my son (along with my floundering self esteem) was on a fast track to facing mortifying extinction. And so, in order to save both from an untimely end, besides recognizing (however grudgingly) an opportunity to let go, I gave in.
Realization/Lesson 1: Conquering inhibitions borne of age-old conditioning can be very hard. But it’s the first critical step in the process of learning or better still, unlearning…
So began an adventure that almost ended before it started with my trying to find a coach (read ‘The Right Teacher’) who would teach me and my son. Together, since that was the point. Well, feeling much like an aging institution, I took my place next to a bunch of raring-to-go kids, all sizes and shapes, with their accompanying mothers seated at one side, all of them staring fixedly, unabashedly at my back. I squirmed like a leech with chicken pox, imagining them sniggering behind my back. It was far, far worse than anything I had imagined. Much later of course, I discovered that my imagination too was every bit as narcissistic as I was. The proud mamas’ sitting by the pool had much better and well-defined things to do than stare at me. They were only concerned with their kids’ learning and watching over them like hawks. No one, repeat, no one probably paid me any attention at all.
Anyhow, getting back, standing alongside the bachhaparty, the coach refused to take me in the same class on account of my being ‘older’ and ‘senior’. And I felt like thanking him. What with his unfailing politeness in calling me ‘sir’ despite my earnest protests, I’d had it. After a lot of brouhaha, he relented and gave me a separate time slot. Except that he wouldn’t teach me since there was nobody else in that slot. I was left fuming and feeling like an idiot while he just smirked around, idling by as if I didn’t exist. It was then that I decided to not only learn to swim. And from that smirking coach alone.
Realization/ Lesson 2: Obstacles or barriers often evoke sheer bullheaded persistence. It’s a perverse motivator that works superbly on some people (especially those who are natural aberrants). In this case, ‘finding a teacher’ turned out to be one such barrier.
The next day saw me going to the same class as that of the kids but on the opposite end of the pool. Doing exactly what the kids were doing. Ignoring the mutinous glare of the coach, I carried on practising on my own, blithely unconcerned. It was the coach’s turn to fret and fume and my turn to get some kicks (and I did…painful ones trying to get it on my own). On the other hand, it was pure joy to watch my son mastering it much much faster than I. And that’s when I hit on a plan that was truly a masterstroke (even if I say so myself)
Realization/Lesson 3: Creativity is a natural by-product of constraints or difficult circumstances.
I asked my son to be my coach. This was a total turnaround from the original plan of my teaching him. As I watched my son assimilate this, it dawned on me that with this role reversal could turn out to be extremely rewarding for both of us. It turned out to be a blast, the greatest fun time my son or I had ever had. After everybody would leave, my son would teach me with all the earnest energy that only a 6-year-old can exude. Giving me an invaluable insight that one can learn from anyone irrespective of age if you are open and the other has something valuable to offer. Fired with a zeal to teach dad (greatest notwithstanding) a thing or two, I learnt from my son underwater heroics, breaststrokes and most of all, I learnt to lose my fear of water. I thoroughly enjoyed being in the water now on a hot summer’s day. Of course, this was besides giving me a taste of my own bitter pill- additional 20 penalty strokes, 2 mins underwater instead of I min if I repeatedly erred etc etc. So, apart from having a brilliant time with my son, for me, perhaps the biggest achievement was the unshakable reinforcement of the belief that if we put our minds to it, nothing is impossible.
Realisation/Lesson 4: Learning is an age-less process. It constitutes living as opposed to existing.
D5 Creation
The greatest winning is always the win over fear of failure & that definitely is a state of mind one needs to conquor.
Very inspiring !
Digital age has put the teacher -student equation on its head.”Papa knows everything” is a history. Now whatever one has to learn the teacher is going to be young always. And the fun is they will never ask the question when will you grow up. Finally freedom from being old…relive the youth and learn. thanks for sharing young pal ..you rock
kishore Chakraborti
Learning has to be a life long process.Infact, the day one stops doing that the intellectual decline sets in.Learning has to be a part of disciplined mind.
It has very little to do with age and I have experienced 38-years old exhibiting they have learnt all there is to learn.
Keep asking what else is the next challenge ,develop a road map and succeed.Its your challenge to your ownself.
It was a wonderful reminder and a learning. Thanks
I feel it’ll be always be easier to ‘want to learn’ from your son. However at a workplace things are different. There’s competition and insecurity at work – a heightened level of which is called the ‘rat race’ I guess. Im my mind, lesson #1 is “The Lesson”. After that it’s to each his own. Lovely piece by Suchie!
I’m 50 and my daughter’s 20 years old.
For years she has been updating me on new music artistes I will like. We listen to music together, watch cartoons together. And I teach her economics, maths and used to teach her science — each time I had to “re-learn” stuff I had not learnt 30 years ago. Meaning I should have learnt it then but didn’t, so I had to learn it now, for her sake.
And anytime people talk about being too old to learn new tricks, I think of Bryan Adams singing “18 till I die”.
Actually I rather think many youngsters are much more set in their ways than me, because natural curiosity has died under the pressure of making money in a fast-paced corporate rat-race. They’re not taking time to smell the roses. Teach them a formula on the job and they’re only too happy to apply it and be done with the task — they don’t want to know the why’s and wherefore’s — so they don’t know how to question the rules — ergo, they can’t innovate.
Oh and my Dad learnt how to use the internet only last year after we gifted him his first computer — and he celebrated his 80th birthday last December. So there!
One big paradigm shift is about who can be a coach. The norm is that a person more experienced and senior (hierarchy is a cultural mindset) gets an automatic right to be the coach while we conveniently ignore the skill set of even a junior person (not to be read in a derogatory manner). Once we are successfull in unshackling this paradigm, learning becomes easier and enjoyable. Like Sanjeev, I too learnt swimming at the age of 31 (still continue to feel 31). Another observation is also about being firm and internally convinced about the end result.
Heartwarming story, resonates because it’s a personal life experience.
Regrettably, Corporate India, particularly HR India, may relate to the concepts/principles but will NOT implement in practice. I’m 50+ and I’ve tried telling search firms that I want to transition to new roles, but they seem inclined only to capitalize on my past experience. Perhaps HR firms need to learn/implement new tricks instead of bemoaning skills shortage.
Great story. And yes, learning has nothing to do with age. We learn all the time, doesn’t matter from who. The best part of the story is the lessons you have gleaned from the experience — kudos to the writer for having captured them so well and to you for having recognised the value that the new generation adds to our lives and sharing it.
http://bly.com/blog/?p=310
Not sure how direct is the relation between Suchie’s story and this!
In my view, it depends on the person and how well he is suited to what he is learning, plus his attitude which may depend on a number of factors. Some researchers say that people really find what they want to do by mid life; some of them may exude fresh energy on finding their vocation in life and some may have become too cynical to make the best of it. This way, an elderly person may actually exude more energy for doing the job than a younger person who is not fit for that job.
As for impossible, one can try with a positive attitude but how much one learns or excels is a long story and strictly subjective.
Your story is so true. My sis-in-law who is 54 didn’t know her way around a computer and her daughter was too impatient. So she made up her mind and enrolled in a class and made her first power point presentation to an audience. She is a doc so has a very busy schedule- but was very determined. And I find that at our age if nothing else our minds are strong and we can do whatever we wish to.. thanks Sanjeev for your great story
Sanjeev..Great insight. You got me thinking about learning to swim(i have no fear of water).However the insights are quite interesting. You actually go through them without realising it.
Sanjeev, a great post that’s food for thought. A lot of it depends on the initiative shown by the ‘older’ person to learn. In our business, the classic example would be the familiar sight of experienced people (read, 40+) who have some kind of technophobia. It could range from unwillingness to ‘explore’ one’s way around a computer or refusing to learn new techniques related to their work.
[…] a firm in the ‘business of finding and developing business leaders’ has posted an interesting article in its blog. The topic: ‘learning’ and age. (Aside: I thought Bullz-I’s […]
ONCE YOU COMMITT YOUR HEART TO ANY WORTHWHILE IDEA OR DREAM, THE WHOLE WORLD WILL CONSPIRE TO MAKE IT HAPPEN, YOU WOULD MEET PEOPLE, COME ACROSS THINGS WHICH WILL ALL TAKE YOU TO REALISE THAT DREAM. THUS, THE ONLY THING NEEDED FROM YOU IS THAT CONVICING COMMITTMENT. REST, YOU WOULD WONDER HOW IT HAPPENED.
by tony buzan.
the above quote by buzan explains it all