This story/experience came out of my conversation with Sanjeev where we were discussing learning/ unlearning, the older we grow how much more difficult it becomes etc etc. – that sort of stuff. In an attempt to allegorize, he launched into this whole story of how he at the age of 46 learnt to swim from none other than his 6-year-old son. And then promptly asked if I could write about it. Needless to say, I froke. But… it was a great story. While retelling it, I paused often to absorb the very native lessons and realizations that happened along the way, which I wanted to share. This is my (slightly) tweaked version of Sanjeev’s story. Read on.

In what must have been a state of the Zen ‘satori’ (read a highly avoidable state, for both adults and kids, but especially for kids), my 6-year-old son suddenly realized his immediate mission. To learn to swim. And “Dad” being the greatest (a regrettable lapse in foresight I can see now), I was to be his teacher. Very gravely and matter-of-factly, my son announced it over breakfast on a beautiful Sunday morning which instantly ceased to be beautiful. You see, I did not know how to swim.

To make matters worse, I just did not believe that I could learn at my age. My age being all of 46 (read highly confidential info). I was swamped by a chaotic avalanche of thoughts/emotions/fears /inhibitions, plus extremely disturbing visions of my self undergoing an incredulous (read humiliating and traumatic and….) inspection by all kids and their accompanying parents at the pool.

Someone once said and I paraphrase here – ‘The greatest battle is the one that you fight within’. It was while I was thus battling really hard within to overcome my lesser self so to speak, I came up with the most painful (malignant) realization. That I was not only as programmed as any other conditioned guy, I was equally hypocritical as well. Because it was not so much that I was afraid to learn at my age but that I could not bring myself to own up to the fact that I was indeed afraid and most of all from the thought of the world at large (read my son’s friends, their parents etc) witnessing my embarrassingly inhibited status.

So there I was stuck in a crucifying limbo till I realized that my celebrated status with my son (along with my floundering self esteem) was on a fast track to facing mortifying extinction. And so, in order to save both from an untimely end, besides recognizing (however grudgingly) an opportunity to let go, I gave in.

Realization/Lesson 1: Conquering inhibitions borne of age-old conditioning can be very hard. But it’s the first critical step in the process of learning or better still, unlearning…
So began an adventure that almost ended before it started with my trying to find a coach (read ‘The Right Teacher’) who would teach me and my son. Together, since that was the point. Well, feeling much like an aging institution, I took my place next to a bunch of raring-to-go kids, all sizes and shapes, with their accompanying mothers seated at one side, all of them staring fixedly, unabashedly at my back. I squirmed like a leech with chicken pox, imagining them sniggering behind my back. It was far, far worse than anything I had imagined. Much later of course, I discovered that my imagination too was every bit as narcissistic as I was. The proud mamas’ sitting by the pool had much better and well-defined things to do than stare at me. They were only concerned with their kids’ learning and watching over them like hawks. No one, repeat, no one probably paid me any attention at all.

Anyhow, getting back, standing alongside the bachhaparty, the coach refused to take me in the same class on account of my being ‘older’ and ‘senior’. And I felt like thanking him. What with his unfailing politeness in calling me ‘sir’ despite my earnest protests, I’d had it. After a lot of brouhaha, he relented and gave me a separate time slot. Except that he wouldn’t teach me since there was nobody else in that slot. I was left fuming and feeling like an idiot while he just smirked around, idling by as if I didn’t exist. It was then that I decided to not only learn to swim. And from that smirking coach alone.

Realization/ Lesson 2: Obstacles or barriers often evoke sheer bullheaded persistence. It’s a perverse motivator that works superbly on some people (especially those who are natural aberrants). In this case, ‘finding a teacher’ turned out to be one such barrier.

The next day saw me going to the same class as that of the kids but on the opposite end of the pool. Doing exactly what the kids were doing. Ignoring the mutinous glare of the coach, I carried on practising on my own, blithely unconcerned. It was the coach’s turn to fret and fume and my turn to get some kicks (and I did…painful ones trying to get it on my own). On the other hand, it was pure joy to watch my son mastering it much much faster than I. And that’s when I hit on a plan that was truly a masterstroke (even if I say so myself)

Realization/Lesson 3: Creativity is a natural by-product of constraints or difficult circumstances.

I asked my son to be my coach. This was a total turnaround from the original plan of my teaching him. As I watched my son assimilate this, it dawned on me that with this role reversal could turn out to be extremely rewarding for both of us. It turned out to be a blast, the greatest fun time my son or I had ever had. After everybody would leave, my son would teach me with all the earnest energy that only a 6-year-old can exude. Giving me an invaluable insight that one can learn from anyone irrespective of age if you are open and the other has something valuable to offer. Fired with a zeal to teach dad (greatest notwithstanding) a thing or two, I learnt from my son underwater heroics, breaststrokes and most of all, I learnt to lose my fear of water. I thoroughly enjoyed being in the water now on a hot summer’s day. Of course, this was besides giving me a taste of my own bitter pill- additional 20 penalty strokes, 2 mins underwater instead of I min if I repeatedly erred etc etc. So, apart from having a brilliant time with my son, for me, perhaps the biggest achievement was the unshakable reinforcement of the belief that if we put our minds to it, nothing is impossible.

Realisation/Lesson 4: Learning is an age-less process. It constitutes living as opposed to existing.